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The Crush

Today morning, while browsing facebook, Pallav learnt that his teenage crush got married two weeks ago. She did not care to inform or invite him whom she prefers to regard as a friend. The last time the two saw each other was when they had their last paper of Class 12 final exam which was ten years ten days ago from today. She had wished him good luck for the future. In response, he had only smiled back telepathically trying to tell her that his good luck was she. In the intervening years since they last saw each other, they have conversed only occasionally. It could be either's birthday, a new year or Pallav's whimsical mail to her. In any case, the conversation would last only two or three exchanges beyond which neither would consider it useful to continue.

While she was unmarried, hope was alive, though feeble and flickering, in Pallav's heart that one day she might accept him and consent to his proposal that he made to her eleven years ago. But that hope has been quenched now. She has ultimately relinquished him. Her conviction has vanquished his confidence. His heart now seems to be damaged beyond repair. He feels he is not even a friend of hers which she made him believe. He has sacrificed so much for her so often in his life but she has never taken a note of that. She always limited her gratitude to a formal thanks, nothing beyond, nothing extra.

Pallav never knew and she never told what he lacked in her eyes. He had seen her flirting with boys that were as good as dirt. Those boys disrespected teachers, frequently get into fights, openly slander and worst of all insulted women young and old alike. They were a pain in the neck of every faculty. When Pallav was falling for her, his excuse was that she was a fan of Einstein which he thought is a rare trait among girls. He felt that common admiration would help develop a strong bond between them over time. But nothing of that sort happened. She never discussed or even mentioned that genius in front of him although he would not miss an opportunity to glorify him while communicating with her.

All these thoughts are now perturbing Pallav as he is trying to organize all his memories of her viz. some unexpected encounters, some mysterious sentences, some requested favors that were never refused and some casual promises of hers that were forgotten to be kept. They have all now become worthless and redundant. But Pallav strives to preserve them as best as he can with all the love that he has for her. He has lost his sanity time and again to regain his faith in his love but now he must abandon that faith and restore his sanity.